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When you are caught completely off guard!

Driving home singing along to the radio in the sunshine, enjoying the early finish and the chance to get home and have some fun. Then completely out of the blue, a pain unlike any other shoots right through me. A sharp pain that hits me deep inside. All of a sudden I have tears in my eyes and my legs won't stop shaking. I am less than 2 miles away from my house but I am so worried I won't make it there. I am stuck in traffic which means I have to clutch control when all I want to do is curl up in a ball with a hot water bottle and a ton of codeine in my system.  So I have a multiple choice option:
1. I pull over and wait for the pain to ease. Better to be safe than sorry. 2. Push through the pain and get home as fast as the traffic will allow me. 3. Pull over and call my Dad to come pick me up while crying down the phone.
Option 3 is a no go as I know he will be out and unable to collect me. So do I pull over and wait for the pain to ease, which based on my history could take…
Recent posts

Netflix and Chill

Firstly I am sorry its been a while since I posted I will attempt to make this a more regular thing from now on. 
I am sure you all know the meaning behind the phrase "Netflix and Chill", However my meaning of this now rather common phrase is very different! When I think of "Netflix and Chill" I think of a big cosy blanket, a packet of painkillers at easy reach, my TENS machine attached and cranked up to the max and a good boxset ready to try and take my mind off of the pain. Now don't get me wrong I also dream of a Tom Hardy dream boat at my side with some Ben and Jerrys asking if I would like him to massage my back and play with my hair till I fall asleep! Unfortunately Tom is rather busy and I haven't found my own version happy to deal with my bad days as well as my good ones.  Well today was one of these days, I managed to drag myself out of bed early enough to meet up with one of my good friends for a coffee and catch up instead of cancelling yet anot…

And at last I see the light.....

In March I had my last laparoscopy. The outcome was not what I wanted at all, I was hoping to be told (and it seems silly writing this) that the endometriosis had regrown. That they had removed it and that the endless pain I had been suffering with recently was going to get better. This sadly was not the case. I was told that there was no reason for the pain to be so bad, that the endometriosis had not spread and that the mirena was working well. I was devastated! Not because it hadn't gotten worse but because there was no way to stop the pain, nothing to cut away and help me. All of a sudden I was staring in to an abyss of endless pain, fatigue and a life without being able to be me. This pain and illness has stopped me from being able to live like any other women in her thirties would. I spend many days in bed unable to do anything because the pain is so intense. I am unable to drink unless I plan it weeks in advance, I end up cancelling plans with friends because I'm too ti…

Living with an invisible illness.

Living with an Invisible Illness? From the moment I was told by my GP that I may have endometriosis I was straight on the internet and advice forums. One of the most commonly used phrases I found was "living with an invisible illness".  When I first read this I felt like fist bumping the air and shouting YES! at the top of my voice. Suddenly I wasn't just the only one who felt like this. I had always felt like a bit of a whimp for being so rubbish that I couldn't just get on with my life during Painful monthly periods. I saw my friends and family get through it without any trouble or moaning and not having to even take paracetamol. I on the other hand was doubled over in pain, dosed up on codeine with a hot water bottle and bleeding so heavily sometimes that I couldn't move from the toilet. Why was I so different? Then the pain just carried on. It didn't matter where in my cycle I was and it was suddenly all around my abdomen, sharp and stabbing in my back and…

Be an endo(Survivor)..

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days but its been a busy week. You know those weeks where you blink and you have lost 3 days??  Its been a tough week so far, not helped by the terrible weather! I park about a 20 min walk away from my work and on most days I will walk in and back. It gets me some much needed fresh air and a good 40 mins of gentle exercise. The weather has been so bad that I have had to get the bus on most days. I know this should make me less tired, right? Well actually its had the opposite effect. I started to feel lethargic and grumpy yesterday so I decided I was missing some endorphins and would need to get myself to the gym if I was to get that good feeling back. I went to the Gym last night, for the first time since before my last laparoscopy/cystoscopy. I have a basic routine, nothing too stressful because my back is still in recovery. I was so unaware of the impact it was going to have on me. I really thought I was going to be fine. I spent 25 mins on the tread…

Facial Reflexology and Endometriosis Session 1

Reflexology Update. Today I had my first reflexology appointment. After being taken through to a quiet, calming treatment room I was sat down and asked a few questions. I had been sent a questionnaire to complete a few days before my appointment, it covered the basic complimentary treatment questions (similar to the ones you complete before a massage) but there were also a few more specific ones about my troublesome areas and what I am looking to get from these sessions. As she was already aware of   my endometriosis and pcos she was able to build a plan of what she was going to do before I arrived, this meant that the 45 min session wasn't take up with lots of talking. With my desired results being relief from my daily pain she pitched Facial Reflexology over the more commonly used foot and hand. At first I was a little reticent, I had done all of my research on foot reflexology and wasn't aware of the facial kind. She explained that with Facial Reflexology she could focus on …

Be Proud, Be Strong and remember its ok to talk. Period.

Its been a busy weekend for me! I was lucky this time and my plans weren't effected by my endo.  So many times I have made plans weeks in advance and I have had to cancel them because my pain or period has been so bad I couldn't move or didn't have the energy to think about moving or leaving the house. I get so angry with my body when I have to break plans or cancel events I have been waiting months for. As I work a busy 40+ hour week I get very tired and my days off tend to be days of relaxation and recuperation.  This weekend I spent with friends chilling out on friday evening and going to Cardiff to watch The Stereophonics perform on Saturday. It was an awesome couple of days but I was so tired and drained today I spent most of it in bed asleep. If I hadn't caught up today I would have been useless tomorrow. What would be an average weekend for most people has left me completely shattered and in agony. All day I have been in pain in so many places, sleep and painkille…